Why I won't actively rehab this or any injury

I learned yesterday with a fair degree of confidence what's wrong with my knee: patellar tendinosis (or tendinitis). It's a slightly unusual presentation in being more lateral than medial, but not especially so.

I got some great information about rehab exercises and what I can and can't (or should and shouldn't do) in the near term. Some I knew about, others I didn't.

The reality is that I plan to put none of this information to use. I was fairly enthusiastic at first about using this injury (and has it really only been 23 days?) as a reason to get back into lifting weights or cycling more or some other pointless bullshit. But if it doesn't heal on its own, not including the help of 2,400 mg a day of ibuprofen, fuck it. I have no impetus whatsoever to return to a point where I'm then tempted to once again start chasing awful-ass times.

I don't really like lifting weights, cycling, or being around groups of people in gyms or anywhere else The more I advertise this mindset, the more certain I am of embracing it, of reifying it.

I have an appointment scheduled for the 18th with an orthopedist. I'm debating at this point whether to keep it, but I probably will just for completeness' sake.

I'm actually glad this injury happened, and if I had any courage or commitment I would take a fucking sledgehammer to one or both knees just to erase all remaining doubt, then force the government to buy me a wheelchair and ride it down a ski ramp or off a cliff like Cutter John from "Bloom County," setting fire to myself and the whole apparatus in the process. Actually, there's no reason I can't do that even when relatively healthy, and aim for my face instead.

As negative as this may sound, I'm just pleased to be free of the compulsion to get things better so I can go back to wasting time running around on the local roads and trails like an idiot, desperate to once again use a stopwatch to create a ridiculous measure of personal worth. It's not like I will likely use the unexpended training energy for anything more useful, but at worst I'll just trade one bullshit hobby for another.

(Note that I don't intend this as broad advice, or mean to discourage anyone who's hurt and wants to get back to running. I consciously support people in their pursuit of asinine goals all the time.)