Archive - Competitive running of Beck of the Pack

The 2024 London Marathon is here, prompting wild yet compelling guesses about the outcome based on the shakiest of ironclad reasoning

Blane climate change for any inaccuracies

Apr 21 •

Edna Kiplagat, 44, just ran a hilly 10K in 32:12. Wait until you see what she did for a warmup jog

Between the somehow-still-expanding magic of supershoes and whatever else is in the world-class distance mix, age is just one more irrational number

Apr 18 •

Wearing sexy uniforms erodes female Olympians' confidence, but males poaching their medals does not

Raging envy plus seismic projection equals the logic of the modern liberal feminist

Apr 17 •

5 Moronic Predictions About the 2024 Boston Marathon—And Why You Should Bet All Your Bitcoin They'll Come True

Anyone who forecasts Boston Marathon results correctly has merely made lucky guesses. Instead of boring prediction contests, we need to pray for…

Apr 15 •

MUT motormouths: Your sport is a hobby for vocational slackers, not a career, which is why no one else cares about it

Too many self-entitled, fuzzy-minded equity goons under one roof creates a mess inside the house

Apr 12 •

This totally awesome version of professional track may soon (sniff) become a lot more expensive to watch

Plus a few collisions with collateral nonsense on Boston Marathon weekend

Apr 12 •

Alison Desir is still spouting racist absurdities, and runners who have amplified her lies remain in high demand in a demoralized sport

Running's gamete-deniers, self-hating white harridans, and racist Afrogluttons need to assemble on single sturdy stage and allow Beck of the Pack to…

Apr 9 •

High-school runners are obviously doping in significant numbers

Even assigning these kids a one-second-per lap penalty in the distance races to account for the advent of superspikes doesn't come close to explaining…

Apr 7 •

Gemini AI performs an instantaneous marriage of Weini Kelati and Rupert Holmes

Maybe Taylor Swift would be willing to stand in for Weird Al for the studio version

Apr 2 •

Run Your Best Marathon. Really.

A put-all-your eggs-in-one-basket program that works if you let it

Apr 1 •

March 2024

Two of Outside's forty or so most dilapidated articles this week

The combined message—"learn to be okay with competing in vain with millions of other neurotics bullshitters for attention"—could use a few refinements

Mar 30 •

By Labor Day, a tempo run should feel like a nap in a hammock on a sunny autumn day after multiple bong hits and a few scoops of…

There's literally no shame in being shameless

Mar 28 •

#nojs-banner { position: fixed; bottom: 0; left: 0; padding: 16px 16px 16px 32px; width: 100%; box-sizing: border-box; background: red; color: white; font-family: -apple-system, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif, "Apple Color Emoji", "Segoe UI Emoji", "Segoe UI Symbol"; font-size: 13px; line-height: 13px; } #nojs-banner a { color: inherit; text-decoration: underline; } This site requires JavaScript to run correctly. Please turn on JavaScript or unblock scripts