Filthy-rich 80-year-olds still intent on making more money are announcing what unconditionally horrible people they are

We* should laugh our asses off as these evil, moldering piss-leaking liars and thieves seize up, fall down, crap themselves, and stroke out in public

Mitch McConnell is an 81-year-old a terrapin-human hybrid who has been a U.S. Senator (R.-Ky.) since 1985. McConnell, the consummate soulless establishment congressional hack, is at least two tons of manure in bag meant to hold no more than fifty pounds of it. He’s always been great at his job—i.e., he’s a diabolical, self-dealing cocksucker. As a result, the few remaining relatively honest and decent people in the United States have long rooted for terrible things to befall McConnell, from being the victim of a nightclub shooting to incarceration in an over-capacity detention center where anyone who wants a shower must first submit to an artless, 120-thrusts-per-minute ass-rocking from a 6’ 7-1/2” bikini-wearing guard and former NFL offensive lineman named Amber.

McConnell, who has wiped out numerous times this year and banged his head on something solid at least once, completely froze up last Wednesday while delivering another load of tripe to the public and, after standing there with his hard drive appearing to be undergoing reformatting for at least fifteen seconds, was led away from the microphone by colleagues. I’m not linking to video of this event, not because they’re disturbing—they’re actually comical—but because I’m too lazy. (I’m also including fewer links in general these days than previously, because it’s become obvious that the few people who like to argue with me simply don’t read what’s at the other end of those links, preferring to rant in cheerless and catastrophic ignorance. I’m doing my best to discourage these and other stupid people from even knowing about this site, much less reading anything here.)

The corporate media have eagerly covered the McConnell episode and tried to make a full accounting of the number of times McConnell has experienced falls and failings clearly related to his advanced age, all while continuing to pretend the absolutely demented, and at least equally evil, person now serving nominally as the U.S. president, Joe Biden Junior, isn’t even more of a neurological and ethical wreck.

Here is a short list of rich old American politicians who, despite failing brains and bodies or merely being too old to be credibly pursuing public service, have refused to relinquish their authority and go away because all they can think about is enriching themselves even more via the commission of crimes and other indecencies before they finally croak: McConnell, Biden, Dianne Feinstein, Jamie Raskin, the Clinton crime family, Nancy Pelosi, Jerry Nadler, Anthony Fauci, and Chuck Grassley.

In addition to these diseased assholes, the U.S. Supreme Court usually includes at least one wrinkly, drooling cretin with an array of generalized as well as intracranial woes who should have left the bench at least five years earlier and chugged a cyanide Slurpee, thus skipping the whole needless “gradual pre-death decline” thing. There is also the case of U.S. Senator John Fetterman, (D.-Pa.), who’s chronologically in his early fifties but whose brains have been turned to glop by a series of strokes. Fetterman should be forced to resign, but he’s too important to several aspects of the establishment agenda—primarily the warmongering pro-Israel lobby.

And, even in the case of relatively healthy senior citizens, what kind of sickos in their eighties who are already extremely wealthy would rather spend what little time they have left grifting instead of chilling with their families, traveling, whatever? Even those whose family members rightly hate them and pray for them to die every day to they can inherit ill-gotten riches?

Anyone who doesn’t believe at this point that Fauci is a literal murderer is either just too dumb to get it or a malign person who likes seeing people injected with poison, and there are millions of citizens in both categories in this country full of inbred, functionally illiterate, easily swayed, flab-coated, slow-witted, perpetually gobsmacked shuffle-monkeys of both sexes as well as all ethnicities, cultural drivers, and stated religious persuasions.

There is no sensible counterargument to the declaration that all of these people are simply greedy beyond conventional measure. I therefore almost can’t think of anything funnier than one of them experiencing catastrophic meltdowns in public. Wobbly, jittery Boomers tripping over easily avoided items on a stage (Biden), tumbling down a few steps (McConnell), sounding drunk even when possibly sober (Pelosi), not having any orientation to person, place, or time (Feinstein), and defecating explosively while delivering lies to fellow liars in the U.S. Capitol (Nadler) would ordinarily be uncomfortable to watch. But every one of these people deserves to suffer far, far than the basic indignities and humiliations that anyone who allows their body to become sufficiently old and useless experiences. They were all healthy at one time, and they knew exactly what they were doing.

Biden is quickly being revealed as possibly the most deviant and compromised high-ranking official in the history of the United States, having taken tens of millions of dollars from various foreign governments with his crackhead son often serving as the bagman. I say “possibly” only because even though Biden has been in politics for over fifty years, it’s likely we* would learn of massive grifts by other presidents and their allies if those thieves also had sufficiently stupid and drug-addicted children given “jobs” like Hunter Biden’s.

Everyone in that family is also very stupid; Jill Biden should keep her face-twat shut if for whatever reason she wants to look better than the males in that disposable and dilapidated family. (Those who for whatever reason wish to insist that there is still no evidence that Joe Biden—in addition to violating the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution—did exactly the above things should ram a sewing needle through one of their eye sockets, or both if able to retain the wherewithal after the initial strike on the other side. But if any of you fot this category, wait for the impeachment hearings.)

Feinstein is a terrible person who now looks like a ghoul. She is no longer a human, to the extent she ever really was one. The reason this cadaverous bitch won’t resign before her term ends—or, more specifically, why the establishment is keeping her “in office”—is because the establishment is worried that gallowsworthy California “governor” Gavin Newsom would replace her with Barbara Lee, a fully qualified and genuinely progressive black woman. But in a perfect display of what a sham the Dems’ social-justice blather has always been, this is not what the establishment wants, which is a Jew-to-Jew transfer of money-sucking power from Feinstein to bug-eyed Russiagate front-figure Adam Schiff, the most pathological liar in the U.S. House of Representatives and a walking turd who plans to run against Lee next year for Feinstein’s senate seat.

I hope Feinstein’s wheelchair bursts into flames on national television well before next November. She was an awful human when she was smart, she’s an awful human-like shell now, and soon, she’ll be one more dead rapist of the public whom no one will mention in five years, maybe three.

Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, who’s only 75 but looks 90 because she’s been so ugly, croaky, and crone-like since the world first learned of her, has accepted a professorship at Columbia University, at this point the first of the eight Ivy League colleges I would target for a drone strike if I still worked for the Department of Defense. The Clintons are richer than sin, yet Hillary, that poly-cancerous liar who deserves to join her husband in whatever Parkinsonian shake-fest Bill has been quietly undergoing for a few years, refuses to step down from propagandizing the public and inhaling money.

And anyone who thinks she shouldn’t be in prison may refer to my above comments about sewing needles; Hillary is not only a lot worse than I realized in 2015, she’s done a lot of terrible things just since then. And that gopher she excreted from her reptilian stinkhole who’s unfortunately only in her early forties and married into a financial-crime family needs to be excavated from all spheres of human influence as well. Can you imagine what Chelsea Clinton would look like at 80? Holy fucking jeez, I thought McConnell’s second face was a show-stopper in a bad way.

The tale of the 82-year-old Fauci is perhaps even worse from a moral aspect. In addition to accepting a professorship at Georgetown University, this mass murderer is somehow making gobs of money speaking. If I knew I would have a chance to punch that shifty little rat in the face one month from now—a single shot before his goons stepped in—I would train for it using a speedbag and take advice from wise pugilists in the hope of shattering most of his face and killing him instantly. Anyone who continues to think Fauci is any less than a murderer—much less an earnest health official—is a lost cause at this stage. Most such people are old, though, so the rest of the world won’t have to put up with their decerebrate Facebook rants and other garbled opinions for much longer.

Biden’s descent into non-functionality is a grotesque parallel to just what a profoundly terrible human being he’s always been, even for a politician. Anyone who intends to vote for him if he’s somehow still alive and the Democratic nominee for president fifteen months from now is either unusually mentally retarded by the standards of the average American voter or simply hates all people ten times as much as I could ever despise the subset of humans I truly despise, which is maybe one to five percent of those I’ve met.

I can see Biden “suffering” a Gus Fring-like demise if he’s in office even three months from now, which the world would be foolish to anticipate with confidence. No one will plant any bombs under his wheelchair, because he won’t have one yet despite being unable to stand unaided. Instead, he’ll wipe out and smash his face on the podium and half of it will simply disappear. But Biden, unaware that the right side of his face has been turned into a bloody skull with an eye hanging out of its socket, will rise gamely to his feet and continue whatever “gaffe” he was making while the Secret Service agents and others standing behind him pretend nothing has happened.

Biden will then rotate 90 degrees to his right, not to hide the damage he doesn’t even know about but because this is his preferred stance when launching into stories about being given tug-jobs by Filipino nurses he never met in theaters of war he never visited. He will proceed in this unlikely for fifteen seconds, in which he declares U.S. victory over both Iraq and Ukraine, before topping to the stage, finally motionless for all time.

This wouldn’t improve the life of America’s citizens, but it would be an awesome instance of raw schadenfreude and might even bolster the country’s plummeting international standing, at least among those with the ribald sense of humor required to comment on U.S. politics and politicians without also joining the liars’ club.