Please shut the fuck up about COVID-19, especially if you're fat and getting fatter
Public-health messaging has never been more broken
Two extraordinary things are happening in the United States right now. One is a mammoth spike in COVID-19 infections, with close to five and a half million new cases in the past week alone. Five and a half million people is 1.6 percent of the national population. Put in what are probably the starkest terms, 1 in 60 Americans have tested positive for COVID-19 in the past seven days. Happily, nothing looks any different than before.
The other is the continued pushing of boundaries by the Wokish in the demented area of “fat acceptance.” The whole “fuck it, let’s slather the world in the slime of our sloth and our scowling” ethos that even running-centric publications have been pushing has become a systematic effort to gaslight the citizenry into believing that being visibly unfit, unhealthy, and basically immobile is just one more way to be in shape—a nice parallel the idea that someone with an impressive set of hairy testicles and a psychological problem is just one more version of a kickass modern woman.
These exhibitions are not just more of the standard complaining about fat runners and gym users not getting enough respect, which for decades has been a manufactured problem anyway. In many cases, it’s about intentionally becoming even fatter and more perturbing to the senses generally.
“I'll show you, I’ll hurt me” may look like a demonstration of power on Instagram, an ongoing circus of unchecked dipshit behavior by people seeking additional reasons to hate themselves and others. But obese, sedentary, and often liquor-soaked bodies aren’t fooled by any of this, and will go on being fiendishly dutiful accountants even as the party led by the insane management team above it continues. For a while. When the tab comes due, social-media likes won’t stop kidneys from failing, coronary arteries from clogging, or eyes from going blind because of chronically elevated blood glucose. These people are deceiving their own bodies no more successfully than the transwoman who daydreams of getting pregnant is.
And the fitness industry, now run mainly by the same kinds of slobs, is loving it.
Regarding COVID-19, there is good news, at least if you start from the cynical but increasingly unassailable standpoint that everyone who is terrified of this disease is clearly overreacting. The emergence of a less-harmful new variant has resulted in deaths lagging far behind infection rates. Even if MSNBC, CNN, and the rest of the left media are ignoring details like that while portraying the greater picture in the most incessantly terrifying terms, it is becoming impossible to not notice that COVID-19 is very much like influenza, which no normal younger person walks around petrified of contracting. And if some of you hate me right now, it’s because you’re among those addicted to, and consistently snookered by, those same media; you should just admit that focusing on worrying to excess about this virus just gives you something to do every day.
The officials ordering the rest of us around are fueled by a poisonous blend of legitimate ignorance and unprecedented levels of profit-mongering, with Pfizer—a company whose chief executives should have been buried years ago in the most sadistic buttfuck prisons in Pol Pot’s imagination—sailing along, not coincidentally, near the head of the rapacious pack.
If you doubt that the fearmongering on the part of the American government—first and foremost Tony Fauci, who, no hint of a lie here, deserves to die screaming in a spiders-and-shit-filled hole in the ground while being eaten by a pack of starving pigs, the human kind or otherwise—is being driven by corporate greed, then stop clicking on cable-news stories and tweets and try something like the Financial Times, which reported this week behind a paywall that JP Morgan Chase; Goldman, Sachs; and Bank of America will all post record profits in 2021. (Poor Citigroup!)
Ever since the CARES act was passed, the rich have gotten richer and almost everyone else has not. You don’t have to believe that COVID-19 is a conspiracy to recognize that it has been obscenely leveraged for gain, just like everything else that causes misery for the majority of Earthlings. And the government would rather have you listening to bullshit spilling from the fat, twat-equipped faces of Joy Ann Reid and Brian Stelter, or taking part in one of more of the battles in the Woke Wars, than noticing how frighteningly fast wealth and power are being further consolidated by the government, or that the government is using false claims about an “insurrection” to make it easier to spy on and control everyone under the aegis of eradicating the white nationalists behind that “insurrection.” (The police should have shot some of those people well before they even got inside the U.S. Capitol, given our $750 million-plus defense budget, but an insurrection 1/6/.2021 was not.)
I mean, when this administration invites Dick fucking Cheney to its idiotic 1/6 “memorial,” and puts that grinning if sickly-looking vampire on the dais alongside perennial crypt-creeps and ghouls like Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi, it is not pretending to be on your side anymore. It’s counting on you to be too distracted, stupid, and bloated by Big Gulps to notice. Which most of us are.
If you are relying on your eyes and senses in everyday experience rather than cable news or Twitter, you are aware that these vaccines and boosters are not working for shit, unless your primary goal is to feel like you got sick without actually getting COVID-19. The failure level is practically comical. Everyone I know well enough to have a thirty-second conversation with has gotten at least one shot; most have had two and probably about half recently got their third. And about half of this cohort has now gotten COVID-19 anyway. My best friend’s entire small-business workplace got it. My landlord, who’s in his 70s, just returned from a trip abroad that included catching the illness. My friend who drives a van mostly full of lunatics around the north Denver suburbs was waylaid by it, which he reported as inferior to simply getting laid. If I start in on my California and East Coast friends, the list grows proportionately.
Luckily, none of these folks became seriously ill. Almost all of them are runners or regular, serious exercisers, which may have mitigated their symptoms, but certainly didn’t stop them from acquiring the coronavirus. And maybe being vaccinated and boosted helped with their symptoms, although with each passing day there is less reason for any clear-minded observer to believe that.
But this reassuring slate of outcomes was exactly to be expected, because for most people, COVID-19 is not anything close to a life-threatening illness. And more to the point, it’s plain that there is almost nothing anyone can do that they are not already doing to stop the spread of the virus. Twitter is overloaded with people who never heard words like “immunoglobulin” until last year, and still misspell them consistently, who demand to be treated as microbiology experts, all while complaining about red-state antivaxxers and misinformation agents.
Twitter is of course mostly a place for younger men and women suffering from estrogen toxicity to use their ample spare time to either make things to whine about nonstop or exaggerate the seriousness of real problems. As Freddie DeBoer observed recently:
What is the purpose of this kind of serial exaggeration of the impact on day-to-day life for the vast majority of people? 40% of people who catch Covid-19 never develop symptoms, a number that jumps to >60% among young adults. More than 80% of symptomatic cases are mild.
The fact is that almost everyone has far worse things than COVID-19 to worry about, and practically everyone demonstrates their tacit acceptance of this fact in the ways they behave. If you are the sort of person who on the Internet advises others to mask up while routinely driving a car or a bike with a hint of a buzz on, you’re full of shit about protecting others. The same goes for almost every fucking thing the local rec-path users do, from riding around lightless on a skateboard at night to riding a bike with two struggling, leashed dogs alongside and ice underneath the fuckin’ wheels. If these assholes actually care about getting COVID-19, it’s only because they, personally, wish to avoid its unpleasant consequences.
If the vaccines were working well, with minimal side effects, and there was any kind of national cohesion around this, I would be the first in line for the shots no matter how annoying the noise around me—otherwise, I’d be just as guilty of emotional reasoning as the globular ninnies I criticize. But they are clearly somewhere between a ruse and a public-health failure. And I mask up where I am supposed to, and am extremely mindful of being around and yapping into the faces of elderly people, one especially. But, having gotten my first shot in June, I won’t be getting any others absent radical, believable new developments. And if you think I am being irresponsible, it’s because you’re a victim of this kind of relentless messaging.
But—BUT—guess what I left out? How catastrophic COVID-19 has been to the obese. This is awful as it is, since fat people suffer a disproportionate burden of serious health problems. And most fat people would not look at that SELF cover and think “Yeah, about time someone figured out we’re all set just like this.” But the fact is that the fitness industry is actively promoting the idea that weaponizing your own adipose cells is healthy, during a pandemic that is cleaving the obese from the ranks of the living with diabolical precision, with many of those same obese people patrolling Twitter 24/7 to berate those unconcerned with COVID-19 and human well-being.
For close to two years, the Wokish have been bellowing at us to wake up to mass injustice, do the work, be good, make sacrifices, whatever, all for the sake of being repeatedly called racists and regressives. Well, that’s two years for loud, overweight masking-zealots and the vaccine-hyper-obsessed to lose some fucking weight. And don’t say it’s your slow metabolism when you were 25 pounds lighter at this same time in 2020.
Maybe the Wokish will play this off as the novel coronavirus itself being fatphobic. I’ve heard claims at least this absurd so far, and in 2022 I expect to see the phrase “biological female penis” used in at least one publication like Slate or Gizmodo. Maybe a transwoman volleyball player will have his vascularized, fully functioning penis grafted onto the middle of his forehead, and it will flap up and down like a tubular mood-ring during high-tension moments of competition. The bravery we* will see!
Wokism is designed to attract self-loathing people and train them to blame others, usually the white patriarchy, for this self-loathing. And for now, they—mostly a bunch of lazy liars who no longer even jog a few times a week if they were ever serious about running at all—operate the fitness media. This combination of self-doubt and the ease of being platformed for saying outrageously stupid shit has created an enormous cognitive-dissonance problem for the Wokish: They are starting to find that not even the most energetic level of false advertising, from pulpits they control absolutely, is enough to suppress reality in the end. Most people are running out of token sympathy for the “oppressed” trans people they see competing on what are clearly the wrong teams, with undeniably unfair results to girls and women. The media turds who have enjoyed an unchallenged run to this point despite being starved of facts and functionally illiterate are going to learn, one by one, how untalented and despicable they look to the many more people who live on outside their retard-bubble than flail away cuntically within it.
Look, you self-abasing stank-factories, go ahead and set about wiping your filthy assholes all over everything you see, institutions others built for you to enjoy, because you have a touch hound-dog or zombie face and are not the pick of any litter. The men you are after are not looking at you making ill judgments anyway. This is because they are looking at prettier things—which is the real problem, isn’t it?
The Wokish can waddle and jiggle and fret all they want, but they are not going to undo the wiring of normal people’s brains. People still want to look at and touch nice things, including nice bodies. They don’t want to look at glowering slobs who proudly abuse themselves and, for those aspiring to the already overpopulated babymaking field, make suboptimal mating prospects. And I’m not saying that I think fat or ugly people shouldn’t be parents—I’m saying that at some level, your own brain has evolved to make this judgment on its own to some extent. Don’t begrudge people for forming positive snap judgments that make evolutionary sense.
It is the classic problem of the 80 percent wanting 20 percent of the mating pool, only now, every obvious halfwit and snaggle-toothed and lopsided sexual reject from a sufficiently prosperous background is convinced against all evidence that they belong with the best. I’ll say it again: If your worst health problem is having a fat ass or a Sam Donaldson face, then learn to live with it. 95 percent of us are not by definition in the hottest 5 percent and don’t particularly need to be. If you really need to take out your third-rate DNA on someone, try the obvious choice and chew out your parents. Point out the shittiest features you got from each and castigate them directly on each count. Or maybe just periodically turn your face up to the sky and scream “Why, you cocksucker, why? I have a trust fund and a sinecure for life, and you made me a fucking six out of ten with filters?!”
If you happen to be one of these poor people, I can help you. Try to imagine a few thousand 5’ 5”, pear-shaped bald guys as part of some semi-cohesive Instagram cabal, gradually getting plumper and losing more of their hair as time passes while yammering on about the New Studly. You would react in the same instinctive way that people do when they see that SELF cover or another pic of the aftermath of a Latoya Sell eat-a-thon: Nice fucking try—now where’s the Ryan Reynolds or Taye Diggs gallery again?
This is a good example of why I hate people, and wouldn’t be dismayed to learn that every human alive was scheduled for extermination next week by an alien species fed up with our trashy ways, with our shameful, flabby remains zipped off to a biofuel plant somewhere in the Fomalhaut system. We are just smart enough a species of ape to operate mostly on dumb, bleating, cowering or rapacious instinct while giving lip service to the broadly humanistic things we could do but never will because that is not the animal we are.
Finally, I found someone who is reportedly on the short list to replace the next Pac-12 distance coach who finds himself at odds with the sweatpants-forever brigade. It’s either this guy or Mike Ehrmantraut from the Breaking Bad franchise. What he may lack in manifest sensitivity he more than makes up for in pragmatic imperatives.